You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
