a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
