i was born a porn star she said
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
