Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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