she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
