I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
