It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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