I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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