you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
