The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When are your genitals available?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
