Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
