I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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