just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
