Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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