tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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