im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
