You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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