We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
