Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my moral compass just broke
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
