i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
