My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
