you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
