Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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