I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
