Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
