i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again