Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Prob not but she was surprised

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  (773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised http://tfl.nu/a9jx
  Replies (2) Good night (1774) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics

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  (740): Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics http://tfl.nu/20pv
  Replies (3) Good night (2040) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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  (828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q
  Replies (14) Good night (2167) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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  (214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7
  Replies (15) Good night (995) Bad night (3391)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??

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  (856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray?? http://tfl.nu/zh2p
  Replies (36) Good night (1176) Bad night (4082)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.

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  (406): he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me. http://tfl.nu/3m0w
  Replies (20) Good night (1574) Bad night (6797)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.

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  (715): I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting. http://tfl.nu/jzvn
  Replies (26) Good night (5305) Bad night (1318)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.

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  (206): Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year. http://tfl.nu/dota
  Replies (4) Good night (2969) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.

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  (724): I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more. http://tfl.nu/i8a4
  Replies (13) Good night (3279) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.

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  (403): Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon. http://tfl.nu/v8j0
  Replies (2) Good night (2140) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  This is going everywhere on the internet.

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  (505): TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES (1-505): This is going everywhere on the internet. http://tfl.nu/lcfu
  Replies (8) Good night (3166) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.

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  (251): I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either. http://tfl.nu/mrji
  Replies (6) Good night (1345) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!

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  (918): It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore! http://tfl.nu/18ia
  Replies (2) Good night (1328) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house

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  (412): Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house http://tfl.nu/5tya
  Replies (7) Good night (1158) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that

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  (870): I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that http://tfl.nu/cuww
  Replies (3) Good night (1323) Bad night (468)

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