I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive