That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
