You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
