Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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