rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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