I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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