She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
