I am full of burrito and curiosity
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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