I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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