I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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