I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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