my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I AM VODKA MAN
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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