his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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