i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
