apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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