whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i've created a new STD.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
