honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Define "chronic" masturbator.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
