im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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