I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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