So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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