I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.