My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The adults are the big ones right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.