eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.