There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
