Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.

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  (651): i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors. http://tfl.nu/w7i6
  Replies (10) Good night (3518) Bad night (797)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.

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  (630): something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me. http://tfl.nu/yxh1
  Replies (28) Good night (1012) Bad night (4638)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

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  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1501) Bad night (8941)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

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  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (5204) Bad night (2312)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.

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  (541): To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever. http://tfl.nu/9nwk
  Replies (7) Good night (1001) Bad night (3405)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.

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  (605): We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor. http://tfl.nu/zlq5
  Replies (3) Good night (2550) Bad night (746)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad

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  (210): Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad http://tfl.nu/hc4q
  Replies (9) Good night (4002) Bad night (1341)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.

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  (336): i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow. http://tfl.nu/uyrp
  Replies (17) Good night (2650) Bad night (847)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

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  (518): Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass. http://tfl.nu/ms9b
  Replies (25) Good night (1606) Bad night (1498)
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  (516): View more from New York

  What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?

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  (516): What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner? http://tfl.nu/aj21
  Replies (12) Good night (554) Bad night (1590)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.

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  (631): He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes. http://tfl.nu/wcz4
  Replies (7) Good night (1470) Bad night (790)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Circle of life?

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  (228): Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life. (601): Circle of life? http://tfl.nu/blw3
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (986)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?

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  (609): So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face? http://tfl.nu/y6a3
  Replies (5) Good night (352) Bad night (1236)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.

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  (317): I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis. http://tfl.nu/cvxz
  Replies (5) Good night (640) Bad night (313)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.

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  (717): Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about. http://tfl.nu/g2cn
  Replies (5) Good night (383) Bad night (308)

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