Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot