See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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