i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
