She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize