she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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