i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
