i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
