Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
