i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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