I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
