I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
