dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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