The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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