There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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