im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
