you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
