Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
