she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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